I’ve not been feeling myself lately (far too much worry and fear even for an eternal optimist like me), my sleep pattern has gone to pot and I can’t seem to settle to anything. I am trying very hard to look after myself and fortunately exercise and eating properly are ingrained habits but negative thoughts keep intruding which I find very unsettling.
However, my lovely daughter came home yesterday for a long weekend of R&R and straight after lunch we went to Polesden Lacey for a walk in the sunshine. We had a good catch-up as we walked across fields of expectant ewes and around the garden and KT spotted The Observer’s Book of British Insects in the secondhand bookshop which we snapped up for our growing collection. On the way home we called in at the allotment to harvest leeks, purple sprouting broccoli, daffodils and anemones and I made a delicious risotto with the leeks and psb. Later the three of us sat together on the sofa to watch Mary Beard reveal new secrets about Pompeii. (There has been excellent telly on lately: I was hooked on Dickensian, I always adore Waldemar Januszczak’s take on art from the Renaissance and The Night Manager on Sunday evening is terrifyingly gripping.)
Today has been another blue sky day and we decided to stay local and go to Wisley. We had a lovely time sniffing lemon blossom in the glasshouse, admiring the unfurling of furry Magnolia buds and enjoying a bowl of celeriac and pear soup sitting outside. We wandered slowly and took every opportunity to sit down with our faces to the sun.
We popped to the shop and I bought three packets of new to me flower seeds for direct sowing at the allotment. I chose a lime green zinnia, borage from Jekka because it is pretty and edible and Cerinthe major ‘Purpurascens’. I will try again with Orlaya (last year’s sowing got frazzled in the July heat) and after last year’s anemone success I’ve bought a fresh batch of anemone Sylphide in the colour cerise. Last October’s sowing of A. Meron didn’t amount to anything – probably rotting away in water-logged soil. I also have a new packet of wildflower seed for my wild corner of the allotment. This year is going to be my most floriferous ever – I hope. Already I’m feeling better after a couple of lovely days with my daughter and looking ahead to the growing year is always good for the soul. We came home for tea and a hot cross bun and I made a fish pie for dinner tonight. I see Monty’s back with Gardener’s World this evening so Spring must be just around the corner.
Thank you for posting, reading, commenting and making me feel better.
homeslip 
So sorry you’ve been feeling overly anxious, I do hope things are better very soon. I always firmly put my mind in a lovely place at bedtime and make myself think about that. It’s a place where no stress is allowed. I do completely understand about how intrusive negative thoughts can be though, however much we try and push them away, it’s something I’ve suffered with quite a bit lately. Walking outside in the beautiful countryside and gardens is very good therapy I think. Glad you’ve found some good tv. Until a week or two ago I’d never even heard of Mary Beard, now she suddenly seems to be absolutely everywhere! Re your comment about tomatoes on my most recent post, I know exactly what you mean about never getting a good harvest. I never do, and yet I always sow more, every year without fail. I’d been wondering when I would wise up, and you’ve given me the answer – it takes sixteen years. A few more to go then… I’m also wishing for my most floriferous year this year, let’s hope it’s a good one. Wishing you a good weekend and much positive energy. CJ xx
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Ah, Sarah. I have periods like this, so I do sympathise. It sounds as though you are pulling through and a visit from your daughter, plus a trip to Wisley, sound just the ticket. Gosh, I do miss Wisley. Not having that place just up the road is one of the few downsides of living here. Your seed selection looks very familiar! We are drawn to similar plants and you’ve reminded me to buy some of those amazing anemones. Have a super weekend – hope the sun shines and you continue on the up. Xx
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hoping and dreaming of summer flowers sounds lovely! I do hope it has made you feel better x
I keep planting muscari and each year they don’t come back… I think it’s mice, but it could be water logging…….
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Wisley is just the ticket! And buying seeds. This time of year is so frustrating. We are almost, but just not quite, at Spring when the warmth and rapid growth pushes away the last of the winter blues.
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Forgive the intrusion, but please do think about going to the doctor if the negative thoughts are serious and continue – optimists do get depression too, and it can be treated. (If I have completely overreacted and it’s just general getting-fed-up-of-winter gloom, then I agree that daughters, garden-planning and plenty of telly are the answer.)
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I saw Monty Don tackling that white bramble last night and thought that perhaps I’d give it a miss as I have enough trouble with the regular sort. I’m fighting a negative thought pattern too. It is probably linked to the winter gloom but it seems to have become a bad habit. Gardening and walking has helped but I know I am sad about real events too so perhaps it’s only to be expected.
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A most enjoyable post and lovely pictures. I hope that you feel, and sleep, better, soon. I’m sure that drier, warmer gardening weather will help.
Like you I’m hoping to have a good floriferous year.
Take care. xx
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You’ll love A. Sulphide, it always does really well for me, it’s flowering away now brightening the garden. The low light levels may be adding to you low feeling do being outside is the perfect cure.
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Have you been doing too much I wonder? Completely sympathise as the same thing happens to me when I’m overworked. Time outside being peaceful is such a good way to beat the worry. Hope you’re ok my dear xx
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I was looking at small purple crocus patches in the lawn (moss really) earlier this afternoon. There are fewer than I planted but squirrels here too so you have my sympathy. I imagine that your daughter’s visit will have lifted your spirits. New seeds should soon work their magic too. Take care.
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There’s nothing like a blue sky and a bit of warm sun to lift your spirits! I grow Creinthe Major on my plot. It didn’t grow so much in the first year, but it self seeds very well so long as it likes your conditions. It went mad in the second year, and now it pops up everywhere. The bees love it though.
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I am glad your spirits were lifted a little by your daughters visit, hopefully, the negative thoughts will be banished in a dark corner of your garden, allowing for a good nights sleep, which in turn might help to break the cycle. I am sending some positive energy your way. Our entire front garden is covered in yellow crocus flowers just now, my heart jumps a little every time I see it. I imagine a drift of blue ones would be lovely, too. I wonder if a cat might keep the squirrels away? Floriferous is a lovely word. Have a lovely Sunday. x
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Like Christina I am sending you positive energies and healing; perhaps sharing your feelings in the blog in the honest way you have done will have been at least a little cathartic and it has certainly demonstrated that you are not alone in feeling this way. I am so pleased that you have shared some restoratitive experiences recently, both at home and nearby. Take care x
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I hope you find some settled time and happy moments soon. Did you see Monty’s new doggy? She is very cute! xx
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Hope and expectation! Doubtless in your mind you can already the see the drifts of colour and smell the flowers. Seeds are so much more than their mere physical being.
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I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been struck by the glums, Sarah, particularly as its affecting your sleep, but it sounds as though you’ve also managed a few remedial treats. I’m hoping to visit Wisley in a couple of weeks time as I don’t want to miss the spring walk – those cornus/salix stems are just stunning at this time of year. Lovely to have your daughter home too – I love it when my son can get home for the weekend; he usually spends quite a bit of it sleeping but it’s just nice to know that he’s in the house! Sending thoughts of recovery your way …. Caro x
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